reality isn't setting in for me yet

There's a song on one of my old CDs that has the following lyric:
Reality is the only word in the English language that should always be used in quotes.
Pretty deep, yes? So here's my reality. The fact that i'm leaving for practically forever just doesn't resonate with me yet. I'm packing. I'm cleaning. I'm sorting. Things are no longer in their familiar places, and it's grown from a puzzling curiosity (as in,"where's my hairbrush? Oh, yeah, ha ha, I packed it! ") to an annoyance (as in, "Aww, crap. Where are my sunglasses?) There have also been situations where Kelly and I haven't been communicating as well as we could be, and i discovered he's already packed -- and buried -- something I'd set aside, but I totally wasn't ready for that box to go into the pod yet.

At this point, I've lost all motivation and i don't even care if we get to TN. I just want to stop packing and go to bed and pull the covers over my head and never come out. As of this afternoon, though, hat's not even an option, because we took the bed apart, and it's jammed in nooks and crannies in the POD. We'll be sleeping on the futon mattress, on the floor. Phooey!

Another factor that's weighing on my mind (no matter that Kelly tells me not to worry) is that the economy has taken such a huge dump, and i'm a little worried about what kind of short-term living situation will present itself, and how long it will take for us to get ourselves on some land and get a long-term residence established.

Kelly mentioned at some point that he thought it might be a good idea to "loan" Render to his parents for a while. It might be difficult to find an apartment that will allow two large dogs - not to mention expensive, with the non-refundable pet deposits! At first i was horrified! How could he give his doggy away? Yes, it's to his mom & dad. Yes, it's not forever, just as a temporary convenience...but the more i think about it, the more it makes sense. His folks love Render. (everyone loves Render, seriously) I can be sure that they'll take excellent care of her. I get very stressed out whenever Render and Noodles are close together, because Noodles is VERY aggressive. Noodles always ALWAYS has to be on a leash or in her crate when Render's around. I have to segregate them all day, every day.

Now, keep in mind, Noodles is the dog that was returned to the pound by the first people who adopted her (we didn't know it at the time) and she was never socialized or trained or anything when we got her, at 6 months old. She's MUCH better now, but you still have to keep an eye on her.

So it does kind of make sense that Kelly would like to give Render a little vacation during what is bound to be a very stressful time during those 3-4 months. But i know I'm going to miss her something awful!

Well, as usual, i'm off on a tangent, it's 2:10 AM in Los Angeles, and i'm really pooped. Off to bed with me.

One more thing, tho, Please let me know that you're reading this, please let me know if you have any questions!


Today I learned:
You can cram a whole lot of crap into a honda element when those back seats are out. Also, you can't drink much if you're sucking on a chopstick instead of a straw.

3 comments:

Jay said...

"There's a lot of innocent people...being...crucified."

JoAnna said...

ummm, what does that mean exactly? Are you anticipating my Scarlet Letter post?

Kosmonaut said...

It'll be fine. If it helps assuade your fears, housing in TN is waaaay less than in CA.

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